By Matthew Schafer
Copyright 2017, All Rights Reserved
I haven’t lived very long, my short 36 year existence on
this planet is but a blink of the eye, however I have learned a few things that
I wish I would have known in my younger days.
Then again I think it is quite beautiful how we learn as we grow older
so maybe even if I could share some words of wisdom with my younger self
perhaps I wouldn’t.
Being 16 was a very significant time in my life and I
remember it like it was yesterday. At 16
I thought I had the entire world figured out and looking back it turns out that
I did; only the world I had figured out was the world of a 16 year old. When we’re children we don’t live in the real
world and instead we live in an artificial social environment made out of our
parent’s homes and school. The only
thing in the real world that really comes close to this artificial environment is
the military, to a certain degree, and prison.
It doesn’t take too much to figure out how to successfully navigate that
life and once we do we feel vastly overconfident and we don’t understand that
the world we have figured out is a world that not only doesn’t really exist but
will be ending very soon.
In our early 20’s we realize that we might not have been so
wise in our teens after all and that perhaps our parents were a bit wiser than
we gave them credit for; by the time we reach 30 we have lived long enough in
the real world to see that wisdom has to be earned and does not belong to the
youth. This state of humble unknowing is
the first step on the path to true wisdom.
Probably the biggest thing I learned as I approached 30 is
not to take myself too seriously. When I
was a teenager and up until my late 20’s I took myself pretty seriously and
while I didn’t get angry or embarrassed very easily I did take criticism much
too harshly even to the point of considering it a personal attack. About the time I was 30 I realized the
problem was me and I wasn’t allowing myself to be human and make mistakes. Once I started to not take myself seriously I
was able to laugh at myself and today I enjoy the lightness found in laughing
at myself and I do so constantly and with great joy. There is a freeness of spirit found in
admitting that instead of being some great thing you are merely an imperfect
fuckup who barely knows his ass from a hole in the ground and once that is
realized what is there left to do but enjoy a good laugh? If great men like Buddha and Aristotle
refused to stand on pedestals and bask in their own greatness who are we to
pretend to be so important?
In any case during my short time here on the planet I have
made a diligent effort to read and study and I have picked up a few things that
I believe are worth sharing. So here are
33 life lessons I’ve put together that I make an effort to abide by myself and
I believe will improve your life as well.
My
33 Life Lessons
1.) Don't be afraid to look silly. Most people spend much of their time missing out on life because they want to avoid looking silly. Don’t look back on your life when you’re an old man and realize that you missed out on some things that might have been really fun because you didn’t want others to see you and think you looked goofy. 9 times out of 10 the people looking at you and judging you for looking silly are secretly wishing they had the freeness of spirit to have that much fun themselves. Harsh judgement is often envy in disguise so when life calls for dancing one should dance.
2.) Don’t take
yourself too seriously. If you
take yourself too seriously you’ll often spend most of your time defending your
ego and your opinions and then one day you’ll look back on your life and see
all the opportunities you missed out on to enjoy yourself or have a good
laugh. The human condition is one of
imperfection and it is in embracing that imperfection that we become perfectly
human. Learn to take yourself with a
grain of salt and laugh at yourself and you’ll find people like you better and
life overall becomes less stressful and a lot more fun.
3.) Always have a goal you’re working towards. If you're not moving towards a goal in your life, even a small one, you’re not moving forward in life. Life is about improving ourselves and not standing still and letting our feet grow roots. Our time on this planet is more enjoyable and we feel more fulfilled when we are working towards and accomplishing a goal.
3.) Always have a goal you’re working towards. If you're not moving towards a goal in your life, even a small one, you’re not moving forward in life. Life is about improving ourselves and not standing still and letting our feet grow roots. Our time on this planet is more enjoyable and we feel more fulfilled when we are working towards and accomplishing a goal.
4.) Start working
on your bucket list now. When
people are interviewed while on their death beds they often talk about all the
things they wanted to do but didn’t because they always thought that they’d
have more time. Make your bucket list
now and make a plan for how you’ll accomplish everything so by the end of your
life you’ll have crossed everything off.
Time is not guaranteed and life is meant to be lived.
5.) Follow the principle of “Kaizan.” Kaizan is a Japanese principle meaning
“continual improvement” and it is widely used in Japan for making changes in
your life. Kaizen recognizes that often
we want to make changes in our life but don’t because they seem too big or too
scary so normally we never actually make those changes at all. However, by taking the change and breaking it
down into very small steps we can reduce that big scary change into small
pieces that require a very small commitment and is not scary at all. For example, if you want to run on the treadmill
but just can’t seem to get yourself to do it then you can resolve to just stand
on the treadmill for 1 minute per day. A
minute is nothing and there is nothing scary about that and after a week you’ll
be used to being on the treadmill so perhaps the next week you’ll turn it on
and slowly walk for one minute a day.
Then you slowly build up from there and after a time you learn to
overcome the fear little by little and soon you’re running on the treadmill and
enjoying it all the while wondering what was so difficult about it. If you take something you have resistance to
and break it down into steps so small they don’t scare you, you can overcome
them small step by small step.
The other side of Kizan is that change upsets the
equilibrium of an environment so if you have a complex environment like a
workplace if you make drastic changes quickly it can scare and upset people who
are used to a status quo. Therefore, big
changes should not be made abruptly and should be introduced slowly so people
can gradually adapt. This will make
people happier, more comfortable, and less intimidated.
6.) Discipline is happiness. Aristotle said, “Through discipline comes freedom.” Most people find the idea of discipline intimidating but the purpose of discipline is to allow us to live life more fully, not less; self-discipline frees us instead of weighing us down or restricting us. Every time you embrace self-discipline it is like feeding your soul and it is discipline that will allow you to live the life you want and achieve your dreams.
7.) Everything in life, including discipline, should be done moderation. Set aside time regularly to do nothing, to be lazy, to eat too much, to watch a really bad movie, and to enjoy all the other pleasures that life has to offer. Self-discipline, moderation, love, and humor are the keys to enjoying all life has to offer.
6.) Discipline is happiness. Aristotle said, “Through discipline comes freedom.” Most people find the idea of discipline intimidating but the purpose of discipline is to allow us to live life more fully, not less; self-discipline frees us instead of weighing us down or restricting us. Every time you embrace self-discipline it is like feeding your soul and it is discipline that will allow you to live the life you want and achieve your dreams.
7.) Everything in life, including discipline, should be done moderation. Set aside time regularly to do nothing, to be lazy, to eat too much, to watch a really bad movie, and to enjoy all the other pleasures that life has to offer. Self-discipline, moderation, love, and humor are the keys to enjoying all life has to offer.
8.) There is no
specific way things are supposed to be. Don’t hold fast to the
idea that life is supposed to be a certain way and therefore things are “wrong”
or “bad” if life doesn’t adhere to the notion of what you think it should
be. Life will always win so don't fight
life. Relax and totally accept each and every moment as if you’re a leaf
floating along a river just along for the ride. Say "yes" to
each and every moment and each and every feeling. There is nothing but pain, bitterness, and
sadness found in resisting life, resisting the present moment, or resisting the
way you feel.
9.) Understand the
nature of happiness, in that no one and no thing can make you happy. People believe that happiness is a result of
some “thing” and therefore they have to do something to achieve happiness; a
byproduct of this belief is that they cannot be happy if said thing isn’t done
or hasn’t happened yet. Happiness is a
state of being and can be achieved regardless of the conditions, regardless of
what you have accomplished, and regardless of how much or how little you
have.
There are two components to happiness: love and your
thoughts. Happiness is found not in being
loved by someone else but in the act of loving.
If you love something then that love will bring about the state of
happiness; if you simply practice loving things, perhaps the pen you’re
holding, the computer you’re working on, or the bird that is outside your
window, you will find that you’re in a constant state of happiness. You cannot feel love and be unhappy at the
same time.
The other component to happiness is your thoughts. Your mind can’t tell the different between
something that is actually happening and something you’re vividly imagining, so
by holding onto a thought or a memory your body will experience the emotions
that go along with that thought. If you
think really negative things then you’ll experience negative emotions however
if you think positive thoughts or relive positive memories you’ll experience
those positive thoughts. Someone who
understands this understands 90% of how to control how they feel and this is a
lesson the great sages have been preaching for thousands of years. All you need do is continually think about
things that make you happy and think about good memories from the past and
you’ll quickly notice that whatever you’re current situation you are actually
experiencing happiness, and the more intensely you think about them the
stronger the related feelings will be.
Make it a constant practice to think about happy things and
feel love for other people and other things and you’ll quickly realize that you
live in a constant state of happiness.
You’ll also realize that you control your happiness and not anyone, or
anything, else. No one has the responsibility,
or the ability, to make you happy.
Happiness is something only can achieve for yourself.
It is said that a man waits all week for Friday, all year
for summer, and all life to be happy. Don’t
wait to be happy when you can be happy now.
10.) Life is about love.
That is all it is…love. It is not
about being loved either, it is about loving others and loving yourself. Be a loving person, live a loving life, base
all your decisions on love, and I promise you that you’ll be the happiest
person on the Earth and you will die an old man without a single regret.
11.) Don’t overcomplicate
morality. Don’t give up your
sense of morality to people wearing fancy hats who ask you for money all the
time; morality is very simple and there are a few simple principles: be kind to
others regardless of whether or not they deserve it and regardless of whether
or not you have a reason to; show compassion to others regardless of whether or
not they deserve it and regardless of whether or not you have a reason to; show
respect to others regardless of whether or not they deserve it and regardless
of whether or not you have a reason to; love others regardless of whether or
not they deserve it and regardless of whether or not you have a reason to;
embrace humility even if you don’t feel like it.
12.) Be humble in
all things. Humility is a great
virtue and a proven way to earn the respect and trust of others. If victorious, regardless of how much work
went into the victory, be humble and say it must have been luck. If defeated, regardless of how bitter you
feel, be humble and congratulate and compliment the victor. If you have achieved great mastery in your
craft, regardless of the years spent in dedicated practice, be humble and say
you are merely a student. If you possess
much, regardless of how hard you worked to achieve it, live modestly and don’t
show off your wealth, instead know that having more means you are in a better
position to give to those who have less.
13.) If you’re
having a problem with reaping examine what you have sowed. If you feel as if you are not receiving
enough love, attention, or friendship know that it is probably because you are
not giving enough love, attention, or friendship to others. Make a point to GIVE love and you’ll never
had to worry about being loved. If you
feel bad things have happened to you in your life look at the choices you have
made to make this situation come about.
Know that if you sow different seeds now you’ll have different outcomes in
the future.
14.) Kindness
applies equally to yourself and not just others. Many people make an effort to be kind to
others but then forgot to extend that same kindness to themselves. I believe that kindness starts with yourself. Being kind to your body means being healthy, getting
enough sleep, and properly treating injuries and pain; being kind to your mind
means doing things like meditating and continually learning and not abusing
drugs; being kind to your spirit means spending time in quiet and doing things
that stir your soul.
Being kind to yourself also means standing up for yourself and
not letting others take advantage of you or giving other more than you should. If you allow people to take advantage of you
or in order to help them you give them things you shouldn’t then you will end
up suffering in the long run. Be kind to
others but don’t forget to extend that same kindness, that respect, to
yourself.
15.) Purposefully
exercise at least 2 hours a week.
Not only is exercise good for you but it realizes numerous pleasure
chemicals in your brain. The more you
exercise the better you’ll feel overall.
16.) Get enough
magnesium. Magnesium is very
important and most people are deficient as the level in our soul has become depleted. Taking magnesium supplements every day or
baths in Epson Salt (which is magnesium and it will absorb into your skin)
frequently will greatly improve your health and how you feel.
17.) Avoid sugar
as much as possible. The “Lipid
Hypothesis” (the idea that saturated fat causes cholesterol and cholesterol
causes heart disease) is wrong and propagated by bad science, cherry picked
data, and money from the sugar lobby.
Ever since we were running around living in caves our bodies has evolved
to run off of fat so why would we evolve to have a negative reaction to
something that has fueled us for thousands upon thousands of years? Your brain is basically fat and water, the
connectors that allow your nerves to talk to each other are made of fat, and
fat actually keeps your cells young and happy; people who make it a point to
cut fat out of their diets have lower energy and will age faster as opposed to
those who embrace fat, especially saturated fat, and report that since doing so
they feel great, have tremendous energy, and actually look younger with
brighter better looking skin and hair.
While your body is a machine designed to run off of fat what
it is not designed to run off of is processed sugar. The same time processed sugar became widely
available and started being put in everything is the same time the obesity
epidemic began and we started having problems like heart disease, which was
incredibly rare before sugar was everywhere.
The sugar industry supported the idea that fat was to blame and even
paid off scientists to agree with this idea because they wanted to hide the
fact that their product was doing so much harm.
Plus, they knew that two things caused food to taste good and that is fat
and sugar, so if people thought that fat is bad and put less fat in their food
then they’ll need to put in more sugar to make it taste good and that means
they’ll have to spend more money on sugar.
Many doctors are pointing to mounting evidence that
processed sugar is an inflammatory and even small amounts of processed sugar
cause inflammation; the big problem is the large amounts that are in our
current American diet that over load the liver and cause massive inflammation
in the body and it is this inflammation that attacks the heart and causes heart
disease. Why are Asian countries which
have historically had very little obesity, insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes,
and heart disease suddenly having these become a problem? It is because they are eating more western
food faced with loads of processed sugar.
18.) Eat a
balanced diet. Most people don’t
eat enough vegetables and are therefore deficient in many nutrients; this leads
to the person feeling sluggish without realizing that it isn’t how they’re
supposed to feel. Fruit, while fairy
healthy, should be eaten in moderation and vegetables should make up a
significant portion of your diet. In the
past couple of years I started to eat a mostly plant based diet during the week
and only really consume meat on the weekends and I feel a lot more energized,
not because I’m eating less meat (which I very much enjoy) but because I’m
getting so many more nutrients now that I’m eating more vegetables. If you don’t want to consume vegetables there
are supplement “Super Food” powders you can buy (I know Walmart sells one)
where you can get a concentrated dose of nutrients that is similar to eating a
large portion of vegetables. After a few
days you’ll start to notice you have more energy and feel better.
19.) Make fasting a regular practice. Fasting
is revitalizing to the body and the soul.
Fasting, consuming nothing but water or fresh juice for a period of time,
has been practiced for thousands of years for both weight loss, although to a
lesser degree, but also primarily for mental clarity. Many prominent thinkers throughout history
would fast for a few days when faced with making an important decision, having
to complete an important task, or having to complete a great work of art
because they knew that when you fast you gain a degree of mental sharpness and
clarity you would not have otherwise.
When you fast for at least 16 hours your insulin levels go down, your
leptin (the hormone that makes you feel full and satisfied) starts to go up,
your levels of human growth hormone go up, and your noradrenaline (a hormone
that gives you a lot of energy and mental clarity) levels go up.
It is my belief that one should fast for at least one day
per month and at least one week straight per year at a minimum. The easiest way to fast is dinner to dinner
so that once you finish eating dinner on one day you don’t eat until dinner
time the next day; this way you get to eat every day but you achieve a 20-24
hour period of fasting.
20.) “Manners Maketh Man.” This, the motto of Yale University meaning
that politeness and good manners are essential to humanity, is very true. Being polite and having manners is one of the
best ways to show respect for yourself and others.
21.) Every now and then try to go part of the day
without talking. You will gain a
lot from this if nothing more than the gift hearing things you otherwise would
not have.
22.) Take at least
5 minutes out of the day to meditate.
We often see the value of exercising our body be then neglect our mind
and spirt but those too need to be maintained.
You can take just 5 minutes a day and simply close your eyes and put
attention on your breath and do nothing more than just use your mind to watch
your breath go in and out, and then if you get distracted or another thought
pops in your mind you simply notice that thought and then bring your attention
back to watching your breath, you will quickly notice you start to become
calmer, happier, better able to deal with anger and stress, and more focused in
your everyday life.
23.) Embrace the value of just looking out the
window and doing nothing. Everyone
today is in a constant struggle to distract and constantly entertain
themselves. There is a great value to
simple spending time doing nothing and letting your mind wander. Take time every now and then to just stare
out the window and let you mind do what it will without direction. Assuming
that you’re not the one driving, a great time to do this in on car rides; put
away the cell phones and gaming systems and simply gain the wonderful benefits
from simply being quiet and staring out the window have to offer.
24.) Spend time
near water. Studies show that
being around water, and even the color blue, makes us less stressed and happier. People who spend time near rivers, lakes, and
oceans tend to be happier and have a better outlook on life and people who live
near water tend to be heathier and more active.
In addition, people who regularly spend time in salt water tend to experience
less pain and have less inflammation than most people.
25.) Not everything in this world is meant for
you. Somethings in the world are
meant for you and some things are not; the trick is to recognize those things
that are not meant for you and gracefully let them go.
26.) Learn to let
go of your feelings. Most people either act on their feelings or they
repress their feelings but both of these options normally end up with negative
results. The third option is to let your
feelings go and this is one of the great secrets to life. Really, you can’t actually let feelings go
but you can process the energy behind those feelings and once done the feelings
will simply run their course and then leave on their own. A reporter once asked the Dali Lama if he got
angry and he said that he did, after all he is human, however he just doesn’t
stay angry for very long. Why is
this? He doesn’t resist his feelings but
instead processes his feelings and once he does that he can move past them.
Processing feelings is all about the body and not at all
about the mind; in fact the mind will just get in the way. Close your eyes and lower your head (this
helps to disengage the mind) then hold the thing that is bothering you in your
mind and feel whatever comes up.
Normally you’ll feel uneasiness, tightness, or other strong sensation in
your stomach or chest. Without judging
that feeling, resisting it, or trying to get it to leave, simply sit with that
feeling and focus on your body and experience the full feeling of that
sensation. Once that feeling is fully
felt and expressed it will start to dissipate and after a couple of minutes or
so the feeling will leave and you’ll be left feeling lighter and happy. This works with bad feelings, fears, past
trauma, and even stuckness.
If you’re stuck and don’t know what to do then feel the
feeling of stuckness and normally behind that you’ll feel that fear or anger is
the cause and then you can process that as well. For really big or long time held feelings it
may take a while to process and you may have to sit with it for several hours
or in small sessions every day for a time but sooner or later the feeling will
be fully expressed and you’ll pass through to the other side.
The Chinese say that “a cup is most useful when it is empty”
and likewise our body and mind are most useful when it is empty of emotional
baggage.
27.) Know that you
don’t have to have an opinion about everything. Our minds look at life as if it were a puzzle
to be solved and therefore in any issue we want to know what side we stand
on. However, life is not something to be
solved so breathe and relax and experience the freedom of knowing that you
simply don’t have to have a position or an opinion about everything.
28.) Go to bed
early. The reason they put the
sex phone lines and crappy infomercials up late at night is because that is
when you get tired and your judgement starts to wane resulting in you making
your worst decisions. Therefore, always go to bed early. If you are
up late and thinking about doing something and you're not 100% sure it is wise,
just go to bed.
29.) “Do at least one thing a day that scares
you.” –Eleanor Roosevelt.
Constant comfort is the enemy as it dulls your senses and your life
experience. The true flavor of life is
found in embracing that which makes you uncomfortable.
30.) Never push a loyal person to the point where
they no longer give a damn. The
downfall of many people is they push those closest to them to the point where
they betray them.
31.) Growing your own food is like printing your
own money. If you have the
ability grow a garden as it is a great experience, nurturing to the soul, will
save you money on food, the food will most likely taste better then what you
buy at the store (some produce sets around for up to a year before it is sold),
and will result in a healthier diet.
32.) If you try to possess the things you love
sooner or later they’ll change and won’t be the same things. If you love a flower and you pick it so that
you can hold it in your hand then soon you will find that it will wilt and die;
it is not better to let the flower be as it is so it will go on living and you
can enjoy it day after day? In this life
nothing will ever truly belong to us because we are only here for a short time,
at best we will entrusted to look after something for that brief blinking of an
eye. Learn to appreciate the things you
love without trying to possess them.
33.) Never piss off someone who handles your food. Waiters, cooks, hostesses, bus boys, etc.
treat them with respect, say “please” and “thank you,” and treat them like
they’re important human beings and you’ll get better service and enjoy yourself
more instead of eating food soiled with spit and possible worse things.